Lance: Chart Discussion

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Avshalom Binyamin
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Re: Lance: Chart Discussion

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Mon Mar 25, 2019 8:19 am

Last spring I did a magical ritual to try to get money to go to a week-long tango workshop. As part of the ritual, I worked myself up into near-frenzied desire for this outcome, and then prayed that if that outcome wasn't right for me to take it away from me.

I'm in love. I desire her. But if the experience is not meant for me, it will be snatched away without a thought for my feelings, and I pray for that as much I desire.

That mindset feels so powerful. Because it is.

Lance
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Re: Lance: Chart Discussion

Post by Lance » Mon Mar 25, 2019 5:07 pm

Thank you both for your input.

It helped me achieve a marked reduction in anxiety today that has lasted the rest of the day.

Lance
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Re: Lance: Chart Discussion

Post by Lance » Tue May 21, 2019 6:43 am

Okay, so I've entered the seconds pass of my t. Saturn semisquare r. Neptune.

Again, this is regularly a very difficult transit for me. I feel the energy of it very pointedly.

It's like a high-pitched anxiety that I feel in my body that my worst nightmares are going to come true. It's got maybe a sort of PTSD, hyper-vigilance kind of vibe to it. These are times that I absolutely lean on my psychiatric medication.

My thoughts return frequently to my worst case scenarios for my life. Betrayal of friends and lovers is a prominent theme as well as the theme of my "sins finding me out."

There is also usually the death of a preciously guarded illusion.

There also seems to be a outwardly forced limitation on my addictive habits, primarily any form of substance abuse I may be leaning on but also just creature-comforts like sex.

But there is also usually a point where my good dreams for myself become a more concrete reality. This last one is the prize that comes in the midst of the storm.

But generally speaking, all of this - in the midst of the divorce as well - is requiring me to play at the absolute top of my game - psychologically, spiritually, and philosophically. I don't know why I feel this one so acutely, but it is always very, very difficult for me.

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Jim Eshelman
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Re: Lance: Chart Discussion

Post by Jim Eshelman » Tue May 21, 2019 7:19 am

This time, you have some unique advantages. For the first time in years, you have much more ownership of your future. Additionally, you have greater centered strength than you did last time you went through this sort of thing unpartnered.
Jim Eshelman
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Lance
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Re: Lance: Chart Discussion

Post by Lance » Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:25 pm

t. Saturn semi r. Neptune, 0*22’.

We’ll see what happens when it gets within 10 minutes, but so far... I don’t know. I’ve already lost the thing that I most feared losing.

I literally just knocked on wood after saying that though.

Superstition? Humility before the gods?

You tell me.

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