Lance wrote: ↑
Fri Jan 19, 2018 7:43 am
t. Uranus opposite n. Ascendant
t. Neptune sesquisquare n. Sun
t. Pluto square n. Uranus
t. Pluto semisquare n. Neptune
t. Saturn square n. Pluto
t. Saturn conjunct n. Jupiter
It's little wonder you're feeling fragmented, because this is a very fragmented picture. Half of these transits openly show (to put it simply) that things are changing in a big way - the pieces are rearranging, or the whole matrix holding the pieces needs to shift (actual transformation). At least the Saturn transits aren't so much the "hold on tight to what you've got" sort that make dramatic shifts even harder - though Saturn to Jupiter does usually give enough a sense of pending loss that it kicks in the "hold on" and "keep my security" circuits a bit. (But Saturn to Pluto is a bit more like "shove it!")
I would worry about you if you felt things were under control and going along acceptably right now. Get this: It is healthy and real to have no confidence in how things will turn out when, in fact, you currently have no idea how things will turn out.
Whatever comes next is... not just something different, but something that doesn't fit into you currently composed universe.
And at the heart of it is Neptune's transit to your Sun. This probably explains and centers things better than any other aspect in the set. It's worth taking time to understand how this aspect works and that, what seems like a malefic effect that may be grossly uncomfortable to you, is in fact the one real blessing of the aspect.
Neptune dissolves. Sun represents our sense of identity and direction or purpose. Sun is ego. Neptune is egoless.
The developmental purpose
of Neptune's transit to your Sun is to dissolve your current sense of who you are and what your life is about. (That's happening, right?) But it doesn't, by itself, bring anything new. It just dissolves the old sense. It leaves you having little real sense of who you are as a distinct, specific human being. It leaves you having no sense of what you're supposed to be doing.
Consider this a banishing before a new consecration. It makes the way for something new to grow, something that couldn't come from "rearranging the pieces," but only from letting the "old something" wither and die on the vine so that something new arises thereafter - something more innate to your own nature.
Neptune first entered partile orb of your Sun in May 2016. It will leave in December 2018. That's the 31 months of your disintegration. (And seriously, this is a good thing - especially for the goals you have declared for yourself.)
...I'm sitting here wondering... Am I only going to be happy as some kind of obnoxious dreamer rebel?
I don't know that that's the case, but... if so, what would be wrong with that? (I don't ask that naively. I ask it to stir your own reflection of trade-offs, a costs and benefits analysis, so to speak.) FWIW, every time I open your chart I'm surprised you're not an Aquarius - I keep forgetting that you aren't. That could just be me, of course, but I thought I'd mention it.
I feel two impulses. The first is the dreamer rebel, but... I feel like life has chastised me again and again to the point where I'm more of a "Just let them be. It is what it is. You can't change it. It's not your business. It's not your life. It's not your path. Let them all be what they are. Let it all be what it is. Just be silent and do your own thing."
You will certainly approach your own center differently after the current transits than you did before the current transits.
Though I don't know that this is your path, I suppose I should remind you that there is no being a messiah without people denying you, people betraying you, and a crucifixion. The crucifixion is part of the service. The key is that one has to not be into the drama of it per se
. It's just the final scene and the curtain call.
But I'm worried I've lost my own thing, or shut it up.
Then blessed is the Neptune transit to Sun that uncovers it, and the Uranus and Pluto transits that blow out the old pipes.
As you already know, it's your life... so take this all as an outsider's observations.