Veronica

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Veronica
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jun 14, 2021 9:40 am

Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote:
Mon Jun 14, 2021 7:22 am
I'm so sorry.
It's ok.
Thank you.
You have nothing to be sorry for.
We are not sad nor sorry, and even if we had known Karen's birth time, even years and years ago the life had to be lived.

I knew for sure her plans when she gave me the lame reason to live ..." to watch her grandson grow"......because I knew that she would watch over everybody whether she was alive or dead. I just had to play my part and play along so that it could unfold as needed for everyone.

You remind me of her brilliant mind that grasps all the little details and accepts people for who they are.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jun 14, 2021 9:48 am

SteveS wrote:
Mon Jun 14, 2021 8:17 am
V wrote:
Her Pluto squares my moon, and all I can say about that is what she always said...." no one in this family understands who I really am and what I need...but you,Veronica...you know my soul"
A true gift of kindness---her words here to you. I understand your loss V.
Yes, it felt good to have that feeling of understanding validated by her. Made me know that I'm not crazy and that there is so much more that we can't explain or understand yet, but it's coming clearer.


I realized that we had gone for a 9am birthtime because that puts Neptune on the angle. And that feeling came from how important she was to me and how I felt towards her, that she WAS All that and a bag of chips AND dip....

at 8:26 you see a soul that doesnt draw attention to itself in anyway, no strongly Angular planets and it's real power is when it touches others..

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 15, 2021 5:30 am

"Your current Demi-SLR has Sun on Descendant - people are looking to you for leadership - but it's exactly opposite your Mars. I'm sure you're angry (with all the stuff that goes with it: not always sure what you're really angry about, becoming openly angry about things that seem to small to warrant it, feeling guilty about what you're really angry about - or whatever your personal form of this is). It's all good, and it's all part of the process you're going through (and that everybody goes through in such times). A difference is that the universe is calling on you to show leadership right now."

It taken me a few to get back to really hearing this.
I admit that in my first read I couldn't face this.

I am angry. I am furious.
And I know that anger cut off blood to the front of the brain so we dont think and reason well, so I had to pull back from all the people and really calm myself so I can figure out why and what.

Most of it I can own as anger at myself for not helping Karen, and sitting a just watching her make choices that I knew would hurt her. I used to try so hard, to get her to eat better and exercise, to think happy thoughts.....but she wouldn't and it would make her more upset the more I tried so I just accepted that she was in so much pain that she was dealing with it and comforting herself as best could.

Your right though, my family looks to me.

I had a dream years ago when I first dated Craig, I was at his funeral and it was filled with all his "friends" and I had to give the eulogy. I hated them, and told them that they just used him to dump on and party with and that they killed him. It was so real and so scary and I was so angry and sad. I told him about it because I wanted him to get away from them and be with me and to not being pumping poison into himself.

But that's exactly where I am today.
Having to write words for a Eulogy for my sister, who just like Craig.... held space and listened to others woes, who lent support to troubled souls, who tried to give a few happy "party" moments to a painful life.

I have to admit though that I too shared my woes and saught comfort.

And even though if I look at my anger and draw it to it's real source, Fred......the self proclaimed creator of it all, without whom none of us would be.....and I try to understand why he did what he did and didn't do.....its no ones fault. There is no fault.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 15, 2021 7:58 am

Jim,

I need to say this outloud. Again.

Thank you for sharing with the board your experience with the Keto diet.

I personally feel that if I had not gotten off the carbohydrate addiction cycle, I would be expressing aspects that are not authentically mine, but subconscious reflexes.

You said something about how in the past I had held it together until convenient.....when I expressed that I wasn't holding it together.

Gosh that is such a bad thing to do biologically to yourself....to withhold authentic feelings because it's not at a convenient time, for others.

It's a hard habit to break.
Especially if you are flooding your body with Carbs and throwing more fuel on the fire.

But that is what I did do, it was what I learned to do, to not express my feelings and be bullied. I physiologically and biologically loose control....crying, shaking, black outs, seeing red, hyper....all exasperated by the diet adding more heat and garbage.

I'm so much more in control of what I'll just call the depths of my being now that I burn calories low and slow. I can better find the middle ground and not be swayed back and forth between highs and lows.

I had a talk with Sabrina, she seemed upset. I told her that if someone makes you feel like crying, to cry with all you got, and if someone makes you want to punch them in the nose then punch them with all you got, because otherwise we aren't being true to ourselves, and we are doing a disservice to everything by not communicating our truth.

So thank you for sharing your experience because being able to make good choices makes all the difference.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Tue Jun 15, 2021 8:08 am

Veronica wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 7:58 am
I need to say this outloud. Again.

Thank you for sharing with the board your experience with the Keto diet.

I personally feel that if I had not gotten off the carbohydrate addiction cycle, I would be expressing aspects that are not authentically mine, but subconscious reflexes.
You're welcome. Happy to do so :)

And yes, it hadn't occurred to me how that carb roller-coaster might have affected you with current events. Thanks for that.
So thank you for sharing your experience because being able to make good choices makes all the difference.
That should be on a t-shirt!
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 15, 2021 2:42 pm

Yes that would be a great shirt.

My family is holding a Celebration of Life for my siblings this Sunday.

I dont think I'm going to go. At least that's how I feel right now. It's hard to say this out loud because the implications are very harsh, but a very real part of me believes that Karen was my real mother, and they lied because of the social implications of a teen age pregnancy.

The feelings I've experienced during her passing are surreal, and honestly comparing Karen and my mother's to the rest of there offspring, especially noting Jupiter placements, and all the bs this family generates I wouldn't put it past them to lie.

I dont know, and I dont even no if it really matters when you come down to it.
It would explain alot though.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 22, 2021 7:53 am

I have never felt happier to have a new lunar return then I did waking up yesterday.
The past one was brutal and the demi lunar....

I developed a horrid break out in my nose and nasal cavity of cold sores, which I've had the virus my whole life mostly manifesting as conjunctivitis as a child, lips sores as a teen, and the nasal sores in my 20s.
I see the cyclic behavior of this illness in the fact that I broke out the same way when my mom died, my nephew died and now my siblings. One thing that I think I can learn from this to try and prevent this painful affliction is to listen deeper to my body and its response to stress and get away from things, feelings, thoughts, behaviors that will unbalance my being.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Tue Jun 22, 2021 8:02 am

Herpes outbreaks are definitely stress-related. I suspect this is because stress rapidly depletes vitamin B levels, and B-depletion is easily linked to worse and more frequent herpes outbreaks.

During the '70s and '80s, Anna-Kria and I noticed pretty reliably that outbreaks would occur immediately after the stress was over - in a "now I have time for this" way.

I'm unclear about something in your post, Veronica. Were you saying this happened this morning under the new SLR, or that it already happened under the old Demi?
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Veronica

Post by Robin van Dien » Tue Jun 22, 2021 10:04 am

[content deleted by poster]
Last edited by Robin van Dien on Thu Jun 24, 2021 12:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 22, 2021 11:00 am

Jim Eshelman wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 8:02 am
Herpes outbreaks are definitely stress-related. I suspect this is because stress rapidly depletes vitamin B levels, and B-depletion is easily linked to worse and more frequent herpes outbreaks.

During the '70s and '80s, Anna-Kria and I noticed pretty reliably that outbreaks would occur immediately after the stress was over - in a "now I have time for this" way.

I'm unclear about something in your post, Veronica. Were you saying this happened this morning under the new SLR, or that it already happened under the old Demi?
I felt the tingle, last Saturday ......which was day 2 of Hospice care for my sister, with no fluids, knowing full well the body can't survive past 3 days. Saturday Morning I saw Karen slip into a coma and become unresponsive as her organs shut down. My nasal were broken out by Monday morning when she passed. Saturday I took extra vitamins, but I really should have been taking extra for the whole lunar cycle to have prevented the breakout.

I completely agree about break outs happening after the stress because that has been my experience with all my break outs.

I woke up this Monday though and felt no pain or aches or grogginess, and was able to go to the laundry mat (btw...my washing machine died the day before Karen) and get a lot of things done around my house that I needed to stay on top of and cleaned and even had dinner (!) Cooked by 4PM, which was great because we then lost power till this morning.

I went to the Celebration of Life for my siblings. It felt like all the other family picnics we have, except people we dont see often (the older bunch) came for a few.
No one unawares would have ever known it was a family grieving. It was the first time Karen had ever not been physically present at one of our picnics, ever and it was weird and strange but yet still so much the same vibrant enthusiastic loud rowdy crowd we always are.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Tue Jun 22, 2021 11:03 am

Robin van Dien wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 10:04 am
Veronica wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 7:53 am
I have never felt happier to have a new lunar return then I did waking up yesterday.
The past one was brutal and the demi lunar....

I developed a horrid break out in my nose and nasal cavity of cold sores, which I've had the virus my whole life mostly manifesting as conjunctivitis as a child, lips sores as a teen, and the nasal sores in my 20s.
I see the cyclic behavior of this illness in the fact that I broke out the same way when my mom died, my nephew died and now my siblings. One thing that I think I can learn from this to try and prevent this painful affliction is to listen deeper to my body and its response to stress and get away from things, feelings, thoughts, behaviors that will unbalance my being.
I am sorry. Wish you immense strength. 💪
Thank you.
I appreciate your thoughts.
It's ok, it only really hurt bad for 3 or 4 days and I feel almost myself totally today.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Wed Jul 14, 2021 5:43 pm

I had finally been able to make some long overdue dr. Apts. I haven't seen a primary care dr since 2018, or a gynecologist since 2019.
I made the gynecologist apt almost 2 months ago, and the apt is on my upcoming lunar return.
I had been very apprehensive and I just thought about my SSR this year and now I'm very very nervous.

I am so scared that I will have something very wrong.
I almost dont want to go and just keep on working and cleaning and living and if I drop then I drop ......

I've had a pretty horrid month in too many ways and dealing with Karen's death and the hard reality slap I felt remembering how ugly my mother really was to me and the abuse and neglect.....its been so painful to face...but I've tried to. And Jim I really want to thank you for letting me face the truth of my relationship with her when I had brought it up in the Pluto as a beneficial thread.
Such a nieve trusting and gullible person I am.
I was accused of stealing the other day and that made me so sick and sad and disgusted with people. I know I didn't do it, and my astrology for that time clearly shows that, so It was just more mean nasty lies and ugliness projected at me and I am so tired of it. I sobbed until my stomach hurt that the thief said I did it.
I know that I have my progressed moon coming back around to conjunct my Uranus, and I am also so afraid that just means more lies and pain and I dont think I can take any more.
Loosing Karen I lost the only person in my life who really knew me and knew what a kind soulful and loving person I am, I feel like no one knows me and no one wants too, they only want to take advantage of my gifts and talents and generosity. My family is being so hurtful to my feelings of loss and hateful that I was so close to Karen.

I dont know if my SSR with the moon and mars on my Saturn are just me worring that I have cancer and am dying, but I dont think I want to know if that's what it means.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Wed Jul 14, 2021 7:08 pm

How do you feel physically?
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Wed Jul 14, 2021 8:06 pm

Honestly I have had very bad ringing in my ears for about a year with occasionally sharp headaches and blurred vision. I have weird pains in my left ovary area sometimes as well but haven't had a period in about 3 years.
I've had abnormal cervical cell growth in the past and I'm worried about this appointment bringing bad news.

I am afraid that now that I am older my body is breaking down faster then I can rebuild and repair it.
I feel like if I could only talk better to my cells I could stop them from breaking down and hurting me and causing dis ease.
I am very afraid to be brutally honest, that I have inherited from my mother damaged mitochondria that will or are become "active" or triggered and I will become afflicted.
I have a growth on my 2and toe on my right foot that is a form of " mothers curse" or a dis ease that is passed down through the female line. The apt to get the referral to the foot dr is still a month away.

My energy level fluctuates between extreme strength and exhaustion.

Thanks for asking
Getting old is not for the weak and I wish I knew how to listen to my body better.

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Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Thu Jul 15, 2021 6:12 am

Keep us informed V and you know my best wishes are for you.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Thu Jul 15, 2021 11:11 am

Your cells and body breaking down are what getting old is. It isn't your choice.

But you have a long way to go. It's hard right now because it's all happening at once. And I think that's because of the stress you've been under. Part of your grieving process is letting go of "what might have been" and starting to look forward again. This is not a one-time revelation process. It's a long term thing so settle in for the ride.

Stop trying to help everybody else right now. Help yourself first. Put your own mask on before you put your kid's mask on. All that good stuff. Sit with your grief and do lots of symbolic letting go things. Blow out candles, scatter petals, throw away old food, give old clothes away and get new (Goodwill...) Keep stuff you love, but if it hurts, put it away till you've done more processing.

But first of all, stop trying to help other people. Maybe explain you're giving yourself some space to process to your dad so you preserve the work you've done on the relationship and let everybody else do without your attention. If Karen was the only one worth your while, then there's no reason to deal with the rest.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Fri Jul 16, 2021 8:28 am

Thank you both for being kind and helpful....

At 11:15 am this morning my landlord's gave me a notice to move by July 31. Their business crashed from covid and they are forced to sell the house.

Pretty shocked and scared and like wtf.....

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Fri Jul 16, 2021 9:09 am

I thought it had to be 30 days notice.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Fri Jul 16, 2021 9:12 am

WTF indeed!?

First, though, unless there are some extraordinary circumstances I don't know about, evictions can't happen that fast. You also have Jupiter conjoining your Sun within days - usually a mark of salvation or advantage.

This is also an interesting expression of your current SLR: Transiting Sun at MC square natal Pluto rising. Transiting Sun is "the Man" (the authorities; it certainly includes anyone with "lord" in their title, like a landlord). Natal Pluto is your shock experience and might turn out to be a disruption and relocation - but I'm not sure how that could happen so fast.
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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Fri Jul 16, 2021 9:32 am

The laws in NYS changed recently. For instance if the landlord changes the locks that's a criminal offense, now, no longer just a civil matter and the police can get involved even if they think they can't.

Look here: https://tenanthelpny.org/get-started/
and here: https://www.lawny.org/node/393/new-prot ... te-renters

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Fri Jul 16, 2021 10:19 am

I had the most unveiling experience of my life the weekend we murdered Karen.
20 years ago or so Karen would not have had the right to choose her own passing. She would have been forced into life prolonging proceedings to capitalize on her existence.
I am so grateful that those days are gone and that ignorance had been brought to light on the human spirit, on Soul and matter itself.

In helping Karen cross over into the spirit world to take her place with all of our ancestors......all the way back to the first of our kind, the first torus/mouth/butthole that our branch of life forms .......I recieved a true allie in the spirit world.

I dont think most people experience the other side. I think that most all of humanities senses have been dulled down and that they are completely unaware of all the gazillion things going on *right around them* that they are so completely blind too. I think that a good term for a moon Neptune Jupiter conjunction is Cilia, like a hair folical....an acutely sensitive rod that detects the micro movements of certain specific vibrations given off by other things in the environment.

That's what I feel when people lie to me. I feel the itty bitty discrepancies in their molecular movement. In the voice or body language or aura. Your body knows a lie, there are tests of strength that show how your life force and vitality drop when you lie.

WT F indeed though

My landlord's are offering me 1 thousand to be out in two weeks. But they say they understand these things take time. I understand they want to capitalize on the market. They could get 250k all day maybe more, people are buying stupid right now.

I want to share an experience I had swimming in the spirit world when Karen Passed and I battled between not knowing if I was the product of a horrid mother and father who didn't want me and were self obsessive addicts, or the strange star crossed lovers of my sister and her sweet young love.

In my past I would often call beseechingly to my mother in the spirit world to give me words of love and encouragement, I would ask her to play a song on my music player, with the chance of any song or genre coming up from my millions of options. I felt empowered to feel meaning and connection.

But there I was, remembering events from my past and now seeing them as they truly were, my mother being mean and nasty, and Karen being loving.

I was so confused and felt like I was being ripped apart inside not knowing if I was the product of grief or grace.

Wtf again

My soul ripped open as I sobbed Who The F u c k am I to my music player.

And as I heard the first chord,
I broke down in a gazillion pieces of salt water

https://youtu.be/XbTIZkxjvk0
If my sister had been my mother then this boy would have been my father, Daniel was the love of her life.

I didn't know what it was like to have an ancestor in the spirit world who actually loved me. I was delusional before. Karen is right there, I see her and feel her and it is such a freeing experience.

I will never feel the need to divine or ask my mother to play me song again.

But please understand me in that they are there watching seeing knowing and that you can't hide or run away, and just because you cant see them doesnt mean they dont know everything. It seems like people dont realize that we are totally enmeshed and emersed in worlds upon worlds upon worlds, all around us like a big fish bowl and we are swimming in it all.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Fri Jul 16, 2021 11:03 am

In California, if a landlord requires you to move for that kind of reason - specifically if it's because they're selling - they have to pay your reasonable relocation fees (which can include having to pay for your actual move and such costs as deposits on a new place).

I don't know if NY has such requirements. If it does, then the $1K offer is peanuts.
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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Fri Jul 16, 2021 11:52 am

I agree. $1000 is peanuts.

You didn't "murder" Karen. Please don't use that word. She chose and you did what she wanted. Don't denigrate the love that takes by calling it something it's not.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Fri Jul 16, 2021 1:17 pm

Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote:
Fri Jul 16, 2021 11:52 am
I agree. $1000 is peanuts.

You didn't "murder" Karen. Please don't use that word. She chose and you did what she wanted. Don't denigrate the love that takes by calling it something it's not.
But that is what it is called,
that is what we are called...
murderers...in this world.
Why cant I use the same language that is used against me and to say yes I looked someone in their eyes that I loved beyond words and turned out the light.
It doesnt matter that we loved each other and had talked about things so deep that there was an immeasurable peace between us....
Those are the rules in this world, that what we did was completely premeditated murder. If only someone cared about it, cared about Karen...they could within all legal rights bring me and my accomplices to court and sue us for wrongful death, premeditated murder and that they suffered for my actions and I should be accountable.

That is reality, and I just saved any speculation on anyone's behalf by admitting it right from the get go to save time.

I completely understand why you asked me to not say call it such....its a ugly power driven word that speaks of soulless violence and pain unmeasurable....and that's not at all how the event went down, (which the event shows astroligically beautifully imo) and it hurts to hear it and think about it and to be anyway associated with it.

If I love someone I will help them die and in most parts of the world that makes me a murderer.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Fri Jul 16, 2021 1:40 pm

Some people who want to hurt you and shame you may use that word. But you know better. Why would you try to take ownership of it or internalize it? Unless you feel guilty or something. But you know better.

I know better too, and won't allow that word to be used for helping someone die. That's a wrong word for an act of unselfish love. Please stop using it and anyone who tries to use it against you is not someone you need to spend time with, then or if you like, ever. Don't give them the power. You know better.

Just walk away.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Fri Jul 16, 2021 4:02 pm

I am pretty sure that in the moment they said to me face to face, " we need the money" if I would have had cash in hand at any price, they would not sell to me.

Even though my heart wants to believe otherwise

A few days ago I had been reading the delineations about moon and Uranus and came across the word chargin. I did not like any of those feeling coming at me from any of the people in my life. I forgot about my landlord.

I live next to a wanna be posh animal resort and my look contrasts theirs. They regret renting to me and dont have the heart to be honest.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat Jul 17, 2021 10:00 am

I wanted to address something that Jupiter said because I think it is a misunderstanding.

Jupiter said
" If Karen was the only one worth your while, then there's no reason to deal with the rest."

"Worth my while" being the trigger phrase in that it seems as if I have a view that other people aren't worth my while/ less then....

But it wasn't that she was worth my while.....
She made me feel like I was worth hers.

I love my family and they, with all of what they are for the good or I'll, are worth my while, and I've reached and reached and reached out to let them know I love them.
Karen reached back, always.

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Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Sat Jul 17, 2021 10:08 am

V wrote:
Karen reached back, always.
Try to learn and take a lesson from Karen, do your best to surround yourself with only the people who reach back to you in manners the way Karen did for you.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat Jul 17, 2021 1:38 pm

Jupiter Sets at Dawn wrote:
Fri Jul 16, 2021 9:32 am
The laws in NYS changed recently. For instance if the landlord changes the locks that's a criminal offense, now, no longer just a civil matter and the police can get involved even if they think they can't.

Look here: https://tenanthelpny.org/get-started/
and here: https://www.lawny.org/node/393/new-prot ... te-renters
I appreciate the links, I skimmed about for a refresher as your right...I do know ...quite a bit about the whole eviction process and what all the legal ins and outs....

I could choose to make them serve me with a court date and draw things out till the Marshall has to lock me out...I have a whole lifetime experience of it...

But in reality, the landlord can just give notice and in the end its their property....its just do I want to be the one to cause a long drawn out painful legal eviction.

Back in 2016/2017 my dad could have given his tenet a notice like mine, and she would have fought it and had to move eventually and my dad would not have to pay anything, and I never would have moved here. He said he couldn't toss her out like that. It was his Christian duty to be merciful to her.

I'm not asking him again.

Before this eviction thing, I had a chance to openly express my feelings that I was extremely uncomfortable being around the person who accused me of stealing, and that I had to honor my feelings by not putting myself around people who dont talk kind to me. Even though it means I miss out on an opportunity to make money.
That's what Karen taught me, over and over she would drill it into my head to not stay around people who dont speak to me with love and kindness in their voice.

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Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Sat Jul 17, 2021 2:44 pm

V wrote:
That's what Karen taught me, over and over she would drill it into my head to not stay around people who dont speak to me with love and kindness in their voice.
She knew what she was telling you and I am guessing she knew you needed to hear it from her.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sat Jul 17, 2021 3:36 pm

In looking to move I thought I would look at my SSR for next year and I noticed something that I wasn't clear on.

In using Wheatland for a location the chart showed the conjunction of mars and venus in the 6th house at 23 degrees Sag. The position in the sky seems to be the same location my natal mars is.
So then is that conjunction influencing my natal venus at 20 degrees Sag as well as my natal mars?

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Sat Jul 17, 2021 3:41 pm

The real question is whether they are on an angle. That's what you want to look for.
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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Sat Jul 17, 2021 3:53 pm

It's influencing your natal Venus, but nowhere near your natal Mars.

Just because your natal and transiting Mars and Venus are all in the same house that doesn't bring them into aspect. Your natal Mars is still in Scorpio and nowhere near any of the others.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun Jul 18, 2021 10:58 am

Gotcha! Thought so. Thank you both!

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Sun Jul 18, 2021 2:03 pm

I told Orion this morning about the eviction. I was so worried that he would be upset. I had to wait until my nerves had settled and my mind and heart were clear so that he would know that his momma totally has this....

I took his hands in mine and looked him in his eyes and reminded him how blessed we are and how we not only have overcome some of the worst but we thrived and turned ugly into beautiful opportunities and how our life path is only moving up and up and up to better and better things, even when we get a hit.

It went extremely well and I actually feel pretty ok with the whole thing now after the shock of the slap stopped stinging.

I feel really great about a part of it too because now I feel the complete freedom to tell you all about the beautiful place I have been living in!!! ( insert spontaneous song and dance routine of Joyfulness to the MAX!!!)



I have definitely been feeling Jupiter climb through Aquarius and bless my life, and I have been about to burst so many times about all the Joy's I have had the past few years.

I'm sorry if it seems like I only share troubles and crazy stuff and ugliness....that's not at all how most of my day to day is...it is filled with Joy and freedom and liberty and fun and peace soooooooo immeasurable that I can never find the right words to express it to you.

And when I did I always worried that if I spoke of my experiences here as the bliss it was, that people I didn't want here would show up, that my descriptions of this place would give it away as it truly is a diamond in the bluff.

If you type into google maps

( edited)
You can see for yourself that when I was last evicted from my home I ended up smack dab in the most prime and pristine location in the middle of a quarter of a million people!!!

I live inside the most beautiful public parkland in the county!! The very same public park I have so many wonderful memories from my whole life!! I feel like I grew up here, even before I got the chance to live here and actually grow up here!! I won the lottery getting this place!

I remember how My heart sang when I got the Longitude and Latitude and how beautiful the symbolic meanings of those numeral felt in my soul. Funny how numbers speak to me like that. They have a life in their own way and it's too bad most people are ignorant of that.

You should be able to look right at my front porch in 2019googletime and see my chair where I sit and read and write and do arts and crafts and sing and dance and watch the world!

It looks much nicer now too, with lots of pretty potted plants and planters and more wind chimes, and last year for Covid I had a huge stuffed monkey sitting on a drum, and paper cut outs all over to put smiles on all the kids faces who were driving by in truckloads.

My back yard is pretty much a 72degree angle straight up to one of the highest elevations in my county " Woodchuck Hollow". Lightning loves it here.

And miracles upon miracles if you zoom in on that picture to the dog kennel you will see my feral feline Friend Stache (as in moustache, because he has one!) who sometimes sits and plays with me!!

I want to thank my friends here who did know of my location and kept it in confidence. Thank you thank you thank you for that gift of peace and safety and complete trust. What a Priceless gift for my children to experience after the hell of addiction and alcoholism and abuse and pain they were forced to be a part of. They needed this place and time and I am in awe of the dynamics that arose to meet those needs. I will note here that I almost wrote mechanics, instead of dynamic which I thinks reflects the true nature of life...its dynamic not mechanic.

I got to experience living in the deepest darkest woods and an unobstructed night sky like I never saw before at my old homes. A sky with out light pollution that went for miles in every direction!! I met great people who liked to do some many cool and interesting things, hunters, scavengers, dreamers, savages, it seems like the whole world of variety and diversity filtered through here at one time or another.

I took so many beautiful photos and silly videos out and about too!! Lots of people wanted to take my picture too, when they would come upon me in the woods with feathers and leaves in my hair, barefoot doing my dance and yoga.

I made so many nice friends of all my neighbors too that walk and drive by. Big smiles and waves and words of encouragement, it was always so nice to see them. I imagined they all came from the cul de sac about a mile outside the park. Never ever had that kind of experience and it was soooooooo nice and felt so natural and normal and right...like that's how normal people treat each other...open honest true.

I solved so many mysteries and answered so many riddles it would make your head spin! Mysteries and adventure at every corner! Somedays my walks were so magical feeling that I thought I had to be in some sort of impossible holographic simulation or a video game.

Theres a place here called the Devils Bathtub!! This park is a natural landmark to the 10mile high glaciers that covered and the receded, leaving the most intense landscape. The Bathtub and the 100 Acre Pond are why this land was shut off from development and turned into a public park. The ponds and marshes and streams support millions upon millions of lifeforms. This tiny niche provides the last wilderness and a respite to all the wildlife in the region....if they can survive the trek.

It has been so so so wonderful and I have been soooo sooo soooo blessed.
But maybe there is someone out there who is heartbroken and in pain like I was back then, who needs to walk these trails and sit on the porch and just be quiet.
It would be good for them, I know.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jul 19, 2021 10:25 am

Wow, I think I discovered a new realm of the meaning of the seperative nature of Pluto when I made an ObGyn apt for a pap test today!!

I'm going to try to delicate here, because what I experienced was anything but.....having your body forced wide open and then scrubbed with a brillo pad.....not to mention this body part has more nerves then any other.....after years of absolutely nothing touching those parts....

So, yea. That's done and we await the results.

Yesterday I let my siblings know that I was going to ask dad about renting Karen's place. My one brother was so happy and excited about it that it really felt great to think about spending time with him.

I went and asked dad today and he said no, he would rather not. I didn't walk right out. I sat to listen to what else he may say but he didn't, so when I had to go drive Sabrina to work and said I goodbye, he got snotty and was like " dont be that way" .....

It made reflect on how so many people in my life only want me around if I'm being fun and chipper and smiling and how if I ever show sadness or grief or anger or frustration or confusion that they dont want to be around me and it feels like an emotional power play is going on where if I'm sad and say something...they counter my sadness, or anger and get sadder or angrier then I am....like a contest of feelings....
Karen always just let me cry or scream until I was done.
She didnt treat my feelings like they were a complex riddle to be solved and reset, or to be denied and suppressed, she understood I had to express them, even if they made me look ugly.
She told me not to worry about that, its unexpressed emotions that are really ugly.

I had to tell my dad about being evicted and I had to ask about renting. I dont know if it's some weird head game or family dynamics but, I did not want to be put in a situation down the line with him saying, oh you got evicted....why didnt you tell me and ask me....I woulda..coulda.

I shoulda known he doesnt want me anywhere around his little girlfriend and spoiling his good times with her.
I think I did know this time, because while I explored in my mind the possibility and feasablity of my options I have caught my mind before it triggered an emotional attachment to events and situations which allows me not to spiral out of control into memories or dreams and to stay present and focused.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jul 19, 2021 1:30 pm

I recalculated my Lunar return tonight to reflect where I will be, (driving through Farmington to drop my Son off for work).
In doing that and looking at the new chart angles I thought about how to try to make the best of it, and wondered if looking at a composite chart of the lunar chart and my natal might reflect my relationship with that moment, and hence give me deeper insight to navigate with more clarity.
I dont recall any threads about this, and it probably would have been talked about if it was a thing, but I thought I would ask.
My composite with this lunar is a nice kite which is always encouraging looking imo.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jim Eshelman » Mon Jul 19, 2021 1:36 pm

I have no evidence that a composite of a natal and an SLR would be a valid chart.
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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jul 19, 2021 1:53 pm

Hmmm,

Well I guess it is a chart reflecting the midpoints of my personal planets with current time in some way.

I will pay more attention at that specific time and see what time brings.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jul 19, 2021 1:55 pm

Do you have evidence that says its a baloney chart?

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Mon Jul 19, 2021 2:39 pm

Nobody said it was a baloney chart. It's just not one most people would think of. There's no history for it either.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jul 19, 2021 3:04 pm

Your right, nobody said it was a baloney chart.
(I had been daydreaming about the movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, so I had that on my mind.)
He said "valid"- great legal word too!
So then I would be drawn to ask if there is evidence that that composite chart is invalid?

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Re: Veronica

Post by Jupiter Sets at Dawn » Mon Jul 19, 2021 3:17 pm

Jim said: "I have no evidence that a composite of a natal and an SLR would be a valid chart." If he had evidence it was an invalid chart he would have said that as well.

Congratulations. You have an experimental chart to gather evidence for and against.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jul 19, 2021 5:10 pm

Wow!!

Those are some of the most invalid charts I ever saw!

I will keep looking though because they seem quiet magical in a way.

It looks in a strange way though that if you could create a flipboard of sorts, that charted the composite of ones natal chart against the sands of time in your life (a chart of each minute of your life), that the unfolding relationship between self and the world, would be seen like a dance almost, or an ebb and flow.

It occurred to me that time itself was it's own type of relationship that I have and where I meet that shows a very true image of what is really going on around me and where I have potential to create.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Mon Jul 19, 2021 5:18 pm

No, sadly there would be no historical record of a simple chart that shows quickly and easily where you and the world come together to create something wonderful.

That kind of stuff got black listed and burned.

Good thing there are other resources then just history.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Wed Jul 21, 2021 10:50 am

I have been reading Nick Lane's Power, Sex, Suicide Mitochondria and the meaning of life and it was odd timing that as Venus and Mars are cojoining in our skies I get to the delicious part about why in some lifeforms there are two sexes needed for reproduction.
It appears as if it all comes down to mitochondria. we have one sex who will always allways pass on its mitochondria, it is its prime directive. we have one sex who does not pass on its mitochondria, that is its prime directive, never under any circumstances. both prime directives are essential vital purposeful directives. it's such a beautiful simple and efficient answer to life's need to grow and reproduce.

I found this information shocking and upsetting. I was dismayed to think that I may have passed on things to my kids. I would have never had kids if they would inherit some painful chronic degenerative affliction had I known.
I also found this information liberating and empowering.
the men in my family will not pass our mitochondria.

I think this information is going to come into common knowledge in the near future. I also think that the unbalance of power towards the masculine/patriarchal has to do with how this sexual fact of a natural give and take has been twisted and perverted into a belief system that one part is better or more, when both are necessary and essential.
it is easy for me to see ugly words flying....." you never.....you always.......".and it looks like our petty human spats may originate deep deep in our very ity bity bity bits.

highly recommend the book

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Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Thu Jul 22, 2021 4:44 am

V wrote:
I have been reading Nick Lane's Power, Sex, Suicide Mitochondria and the meaning of life and it was odd timing that as Venus and Mars are cojoining in our skies I get to the delicious part about why in some lifeforms there are two sexes needed for reproduction.
It appears as if it all comes down to mitochondria. we have one sex who will always allways pass on its mitochondria, it is its prime directive. we have one sex who does not pass on its mitochondria, that is its prime directive, never under any circumstances. both prime directives are essential vital purposeful directives. it's such a beautiful simple and efficient answer to life's need to grow and reproduce.

highly recommend the book
A brief YouTube Video introducing Nick Lane beliefs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctd6hvO279I

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Fri Jul 23, 2021 4:48 am

Thanks Steve!
very nicely produced and presented video. I was surprised to see it came from Bill Gates, at first but with his own natal chart and transits it is a fitting expression of his desires to lift humanity out of the mud that Culture teaches us we are.

I rejoice everyday at the complex dynamics that are going on inside of my body at a biological cellular level.
eukaryotic cells that gave rise to multicellular organisms are mindblowing and humbling. If, within my cells and organs and skin I have all of these little organelles and chemical bonds, and agreements and checks and balances.....It is a wonder that I dont just blow up or break down. yet somehow, with in what I'd call is myself, is a force that is perfectly in harmony and balance with EVERYTHING everywhere outside of me so that I exist and dont cave in or rupture or explode.
It's just the most beautiful perfect dance and I am so grateful and happy to be apart of it and get to witness and experience with all my sences.
being alive is such a blessing and I love watching how that blessing manifests, in so so so many different unique and especially miraculous ways.

read the book, it's so much better then the video.
I have found new delight in reading now that I understand language and etymological better. it makes boring science textbooks come alive with a vitality that I never picked up on before.

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Re: Veronica

Post by SteveS » Fri Jul 23, 2021 7:09 am

V wrote:
I was surprised to see it came from Bill Gates, at first but with his own natal chart and transits it is a fitting expression of his desires to lift humanity out of the mud that Culture teaches us we are.
Agreed. It is obvious to me Gates knew of the Covid Pandemic before it was known to the World. Sometimes I believe he is working with a high grade Psychic.

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Re: Veronica

Post by Veronica » Fri Jul 23, 2021 1:08 pm

SteveS wrote:
Fri Jul 23, 2021 7:09 am
V wrote:
I was surprised to see it came from Bill Gates, at first but with his own natal chart and transits it is a fitting expression of his desires to lift humanity out of the mud that Culture teaches us we are.
Agreed. It is obvious to me Gates knew of the Covid Pandemic before it was known to the World. Sometimes I believe he is working with a high grade Psychic.
really? working with a high grade psychic....hmmm

how do psychics get grades, or grades?

did you ever watch the testimony/ interview that He did as a very young man when his company was investigated?

I rewatched it a few months ago and it was just mindblowing the difference in how he was then to how he is now.

with his chart I dont think that he needed the help of any psychic or choreographer or speech therapist. IMO it was falling in love and having someone to care for and hold space for that transformed the awkward angry youth into someone who genuinely loves people and found his own way to express his need to share.

no psychic on this planet is helping him imo, unless its him who is hacking me and my computer and phone..... then I would say....yes Bill Gates is working with the most powerful psychic on the planet

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