my Sunshine-Orion

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Veronica
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my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Sun Jul 15, 2018 7:32 am

I think I have been neglecting the most important work in my life.
I recall telling my father at 15 when I ran away for the first time, that I didn't care if I was homeless as long as I had my son I would be happy. I knew I was going to have this boy even back then.
I fell down a rabbit hole this morning, self absorbed in my own transit that is so torturous (though self driven I know on many levels) for me.
my freedom loving nature hates to be bound, hates to be held down and a comment made about an afflicted chart and how there was really nothing to be done (undone?) and god only know why......made me think of my little buddy.
I dont want to be so bold as to say I know the moment of conception, but I do believe the moment his soul descended or arose (Im really not sure) I knew he was different.
my pregnancy was hard, I was taken out of work for a severe case of preeclampsia, I was in hard labor for almost 24 hours straight, with it stalling several times. at the end it was very much like he did not want to be born, and he somehow kept moving up and down my birth canal, like a yo yo. He was born with placenta previa, which is the placenta covering the opening of the cervics and instead of facing the front like most, he was twisted about and facing back.

all of my life descions since he has been born have centered around him, so much more so then my little girl. he is why I had my exhusband removed from the home, and he is why I stay home now, when I know I could be with the love of my life, I cant have Orion subjected to the men that Craig works with because I am afraid he would pick up and entrain with very destructive patterns that are already under the surface. Orion needs me and I need him and I have tried to protect him from outside dangers but he has internal issues that now as he is becoming a full grown man, I see need to be addressed and in some way shape or form illuminated and corrected/balanced.


Orion

January 16, 2001 11:41pm Rochester NY



I dont think moving him any where in the world would make any difference, ive played around with a few charts to see, but he is who he is and only the Creatrix knows for sure why, but maybe it was slap me awake and stop looking at my stupid head games. IDK

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by SteveS » Sun Jul 15, 2018 8:22 am

Veronica, do you mind us peering into this time frame in your life with Orion's birth?

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Sun Jul 15, 2018 8:34 am

not at all Steve, any and all insights and information is very appreciated.

I would very much like unbiasied interpretations, my boy isn't into the mystic much, but I do feel that if I gave a a rundown of his chart generated by someone other then his wild momma, he may be more inclined to be receptive to its helpfulness.

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by SteveS » Sun Jul 15, 2018 10:26 am

First, I want to look at your "severe case of preeclampsia." My Nephew's wife a couple of years ago went through a severe case of preeclampsia and nearly died with very acute par-excellent symbolism in her Ennead chart.

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:13 am

as I recall I was taken out of work around the beginning of November 2000, it was definitely before thanksgiving. slightly anemic, very very low blood pressure, water retention and I think I went from my normal slight 125ish to almost 175.

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by SteveS » Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:23 am

My nephew's worst time with her preeclampsia occurred after delivery. They had to keep her turned upside down for 2 hours and it was touch and go if she would live. Was your worse times after delivery or before delivery?

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:46 am

Most definitely before, I really don't recall any problems after except for pain and lots of blood. I did have trouble with the placenta and birthing it, but I had always attributed that to the hard labor and complete fatigue and my muscles being stretched to capacity.

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by SteveS » Sun Jul 15, 2018 12:22 pm

Veronica wrote:
as I recall I was taken out of work around the beginning of November 2000,
Since we don’t have a specific date to analysis, we should look at the current return charts beginning with the first week of November and transits for this time period. Your 0ct 29 2000 SLR (link below):
https://imgur.com/a/UvAiM32
Saturn is the most angular planet 1,05 cnj West Point, opposing your SLR (Natal) Moon. Natal Saturn close foreground SLR Dsc (Jim’s says: how we react to the SLR itself). So, a double whammy of angular Saturn in your Oct 29, 2000 SLR. On 9/11/2000 Saturn was stationed turning retrograde at 6,14 Tau, tightly opposing your Natal Moon-Neptune cnj. I suspect this is when you first started to feel the problems with preeclampsia, but it was really that double whammy of angular Saturn in your Oct 29, 2000 SLR which timed the culmination of preeclampsia problems.

Your current SSR (Sidereal Solar Return for 2000) shows a double whammy of Saturn. SSR Saturn partile 90 SSR MC, 5,00 cnj Dsc, and Natal Saturn partile cnj SSR West Point. Thank goodness for a 5 degree foreground Jupiter in your SSR on SSR Dsc. :)

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Sun Jul 15, 2018 1:21 pm

interesting....not to be crude but one of the things I recall was constipation and bowel issues. I had been a fairly strict vegetarian since about 16, but during the last trimester I did start eating some meat, because of the anemia and low blood pressure, which I found binding along with the iron supplements.

"Your current SSR (Sidereal Solar Return for 2000) "

? my current SSR, meaning right now?

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by SteveS » Sun Jul 15, 2018 1:39 pm

? my current SSR, meaning right now?
No, for 2000, forecasted some inhibiting Saturn for your 2000 solar year. Sorry about the confusion.

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Jim Eshelman » Sun Jul 15, 2018 1:51 pm

I'm interested in the synastry between the two of you - what makes this bond so strong. The first thing I notice is your Venus on his IC (square your Uranus on his Asc). Your Sun also squares his Jupiter.

There is one particular sign of struggle: Your Saturn opposes his Mars and squares his Uranus. (He particularly doesn't take well to your controlling him or narrowing his options. But there is a lot of love and respect.)

When he was born, Uranus had just transited conjunct your Mercury and square your Saturn soon before. That is, during your pregnancy there were significant experiences or shifts in your psyche that shook your concrete foundation, opened up options where they were narrow, and awakened your mind to new things. You also had completed your Saturn return not long before, so your life opened to an entirely new chapter. Then, very soon before his birth, Jupiter square your Sun gave you some particular blessing; and it was just starting to oppose your Moon when he was born. In fact, your Sun/Moon longitudes average 6°25', and Jupiter at his birth was 6°33'.

Then, on the day of his birth, Mars semi-squared your Pluto - usually an indication of ferocious physicality or expenditure of energy, and much strain.
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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Sun Jul 15, 2018 2:49 pm

Right before his birth was the only time in my life that I can say that my family reached out to me, showed concern and support and were there for me and let me know how important i was at holding and bringing the family together. Every single member of my family my dad included came to the hospital to be there. Thats a saturn influence....having your pop in your birthing room when you just want some privacy.

When my mother died in 96 the family drifted apart and no longer came togther for holidays or anything. I was the one who called tbem all, visited and tried to reorganize us.

It felt better then any material wealth having the people you love call you for a change

I know that i bought my home in June 2001 and my credit card limit was 100k. So i was also at that time feeling blessed that i had worked so hard for so long ecomonically that I could buy a home. (Eric thought buying a dodge viper was a better investment thrn my home has had dreams gallor of spending up my credit...which he did and no im SOL with no credit to even rent a place.)

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Sun Jul 15, 2018 3:30 pm

in my teens I started studying the environment and became concerned and active in organizations that I thought were going to be helpful in reversing what I saw as the rape of Gaia, ie. world wildlife fund, national wildlife federation, greenpeace ect. I also was keenly aware the number one issue with the world as I saw it was over population. I was doing my best to not contribute to this problem, and I did not want children, or to be more honest I knew that I was not going to have children with the man I was with at the time, I just knew he was not father material, or what I supposed father material was, even though he always said he wanted 3 kids, which he now has. during the last part of 98/99 I also had a major crisis of sorts because it was clear to me that this man had no intention of stopping his hardcore partying and sexual debauchery (as I saw it then). he wanted things that I was not prepared or willing to give to him sexually.


during the beginning of my relationship with Eric (oct.1 1999-) I had no innate feeling of wanting to have a child, I still was strongly against it, but he really sweettalked me with that forked tounge and once I found out I was pregnant, he kept on about what a great person i was and how I would be such a great mother. I knew he was right and I pushed aside my feeelings for the environment and allowed my self to do my best. i kinds justified it saying that I would raise a boy who wasnt like the other people who IMO had no respect for the planet and the animals, that I could have a son who would make a difference, with my guidance and love, he would not be a drunk addict abuser cheat and liar like all the rest of the people in my family.

"Your Saturn opposes his Mars and squares his Uranus"

he particularly does not is to put it mildy. never has, never will. he sees my restrictions as infringing on his will to spend his time as he sees it. wether its asking him to take the dogs out, or do the dishes or put his legos away. I know that he will always do what I ask, he will grumble about it, he wont do a very top notch job, but he will always do the small things that I ask, and I really dont ask that much. it hurts my feelings sometimes, and I have tried to be honest with him, that if he only could say things with love in his voice instead of the torturous groaning and moaning it would make things nicer for me. but my boy lives in a torturous state and I roll with it and use my tools to not take it personally.

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Mon Jul 16, 2018 5:38 am

During my pregnancy, on june 13 (about a month before my wedding (july 16) my nephew who had just turned 16 was out drinking and driving and crashed, killing himself and two companions and the third was severely harmed.

It was a local tragedy. Huge media event with vigils and all the sorrows.

I went to the crash site as soon as i heard the news bc i knew his spirit was confused and lost. I went with a woman i had gotten to know just that past spring who was a Druid and a Shaman and a minister.

Encountering the spirit of my little dude and telling him he was dead was a profoundly mystical experience. We had a candle lit and when i told him.....the flame burst out and caught the memorial on fire burning the offering his beloveds had put out.

My friend really didnt know me at the time but she made it a point to let me know that I was a mother now and i cant be a Walker (as she called mystics who dealt w spirits) right now. That I had to leave the Maiden/wArrior path and walk the path of the Mother. That i had no business dealing with anything that would jepordize my child. That the path would be there for me when i was done and i could then resume my Work.

It was a big deal for me to push aside that part of me that danced under the moon naked and searched the woods for the GreenMan. I changed the way i spoke and prayed and opened myself up to just being in the moment and enjoying everything that being a mother was about. The puke/poop/sleepless nights and all.

I see my nephew in my son sometimes so clearly.
I have so many fears about failing as a mother, of something so tragic happening, out of my control(damn Saturn stuff) taking him away from me, i know deep down inside that im being foolish and that the love and life that is our dynamic synastry. Is allways there and to just be in the moment and be in love with the now.

I used to get so upset with Craigs hoards of people mixing with what i concidered my time with him. Never ever alone allways being pulled this way and that. In my mind, i went to visit him to be with him and to get that desirous feeling of being loved and loving in return. But always i wanted him to come and be with us and support me in my role as mother and not only see me as the maiden i used to be. Craig could have been a great father to my kids but I was swept up in some bs head games and lacked faith that i could actually rely on someone besides myself.

My little Dudes passing was a family tragedy that changed us all. It drove me to be able to focus on the real. The here and now. The physical and to just Know that all that spiritual mystical unity yoga good stuff and connections of bizarre synchronicity are always there but there is a time and place to give attention to things.

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Wed Oct 24, 2018 3:42 pm

I was looking into Orions midpoints today and rereading this this thread.
It appears as if his moon/Pluto midpoint is opposite his natal Saturn.

It was striking to me how Steve went into detail about Saturn during my pregnancy and the trouble with preeclampsia.

One of the traits I read for this aspect was "horribly deep repressions that came about as a means of survival"

As his care taker it brought a tear to my eye.because it would seem like this aspect has been with him since before he was evenborn and as his mother I have it manifest in different degree but all do seem to be horrible in one way or another (issues in relationships with grandma. My dad. His dad. His sister. Even with Craig)

Ive always gone along with the popular notion that repressing things Espically emotions is unhealthy and counter productive ect.

I obviously dont want him having horrible repressions and would like to help him learn to deal with his overpowering emotions that i can feel under the surface.
He hates his father and has never wanted anything at all to with him no matter what kindness I say about Eric.

It mentions that this aspect is transforming and getting in touch with his deepest insecurities yet it seems like attempting to anything (talk journal work out)

I trust the universe knows better then I do about how to care for things yet as a mother I really am looking for inspiration on how to enhance this seemi gly hard aspect.

I was just really moved by this aspect that I can honestly say Ive seen since before he was even born. He is my sunshine and Id do everything I could to not get in the way of his own soul work which seems so much more painful and harder then any other chart ive personally known.

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Danica » Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:47 pm

tr Uranus recently (April 2018) finished a two-yearish pass to his natal Sun.
And upcoming, will be going opp Moon and sq Neptune from May 2019, for about two years.

All the while, tr Neptune has been dancing on his Venus-Pluto square, from April 2017 onward, and is soon to be finished, leaves orb in mid-January 2019.

He's up for huge changes in all things Luna-related in his psyche and life. And this is simultaneously tr Ur to nat Neptune. Breaking free of old ties and attachments as a general theme. Exciting and liberating for him, that's sure, however challenging for you as parent.
QUID VOLIS ILUD FAC

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Re: my Sunshine-Orion

Post by Veronica » Tue Oct 30, 2018 6:22 am

Danica wrote:
Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:47 pm
tr Uranus recently (April 2018) finished a two-yearish pass to his natal Sun.
And upcoming, will be going opp Moon and sq Neptune from May 2019, for about two years.

All the while, tr Neptune has been dancing on his Venus-Pluto square, from April 2017 onward, and is soon to be finished, leaves orb in mid-January 2019.

He's up for huge changes in all things Luna-related in his psyche and life. And this is simultaneously tr Ur to nat Neptune. Breaking free of old ties and attachments as a general theme. Exciting and liberating for him, that's sure, however challenging for you as parent.
Thanks Danica,
I can see this coming, and have felt some of the Luna like shifting in how he is acting and reacting with me and his sister, and espicially about how he has been feeling about deep issues with his father.
I appreciate you taking the time to share this and I will for sure keep this in mind when my heart string get pulled.

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