Avi's Transits 2019

Q&A and discussion on Transits.
Avshalom Binyamin
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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Mon Jul 22, 2019 10:04 am

Thanks all! I am ordering Ebertin's book from Amazon today.

The combo of a Ma-90-Me, Ve-90-Pl this weekend, ongoing Pl-90-Pl, and a week of sobriety* left me pretty irritable this weekend.

*at the same time, I feel quite "altered". I believe my THC-laden fat reserves are making me high as I continue to exercise and lose weight. :lol:

Last Lunar Return:
t. Ur-IC 2.26'
r. Me-MC 2.32'
t. Ve-DC 2.53'
t./r. Mo-MC 3.00'
t. Su-DC 7.03'
t. Sa-AC 7.38

t.Ur-90-t.Ma 1.35'
t.Ur-90-t.Me 1.41'
t.Su-180-t.Sa 0.35'
t.Su-90-r.Su 0.29'
t.Sa-90-r.Su 1.04

Sexual rebellion, surprising discoveries, financially difficulty or other struggle, emotional excitement and frustration. Spotlight of recognition for musical talent or heroism. Good for writing, mental productivity. New loves and friends, tokens of affection. Good and bad news.

Emphasis on close relationships. Special attention, and development of stage persona. Publicity. Affectionate. Getting my act together. Lifestyle shifts.
Tomorrow morning my demilunar sets up:
t. Ne-MC 0.28"
t. Sa-DC 3.05"
t. Pl-DC 8.32"
r. Ju-IC 8.45"

t. Ne-90-r. Ne 2.22"
t. Sa-90-r. Su 0.02"
t. Pl-90-r. Pl 0.19"
t. Pl-180-t. Ve 2.39"

Emotional excitement, fantasy, mysticism, art. Hard work. Isolation. But feeling confident about it. Dramatic turning points in relationships: elopement, divorce.
This, along with the next couple lunar returns/oppositions seem to mean that this summer will be good time to continue to test embracing solitude, channeling emotional energy into psychological healing, music, etc.

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:29 am

I'm finding this combo of Ur-145-Ne and Pl-90-Pl immensely rewarding in terms of personal growth.

It's given me a lot of clarity around my neuroses. I've realized how much of my life's behavior has been about performing and pleasing others, which is an inherently needy perspective.

The only people who tolerate that attitude are other needy people, whether people pleasers or narcissists. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of unsatisfying personal relationships.

On some level I've known this for a while, but then had an avoidant strategy on top of it all, to protect myself. If I play it cool, people won't think I'm needy. But it's another performance, and it's still needy.

What is really needed is a perspective shift that involves being alone to work out my own personal values and identity, realize that I am fully able to be my own happy self and create the life I want without needing completion in the form of a specific romantic relationship.

I think I've been improving in these areas for a few years, becoming more positive and outgoing, and leaning into the areas that really interest me. But this transit has given me the perfect opportunity to actually make some dramatic shifts for the better.

---

So I've been learning. I'm about 30 episodes into the Philosophize This! podcast, which has been feeding my brain lots of different ways of looking at life. I've read a couple self-help books geared at helping become less people pleasing, and more authentically self-directed.

And now I'm starting to track how often I'm acting in a performative way, to please or gain approval, and shifting to a perspective of pleasing myself.

Too much of this will be narcissistic and selfish, but sometimes it's necessary to overcompensate to find balance. The most satisfying relationships will be between people who are complete in themselves, don't need each other, and are able to still add to each other's lives just by (selfishly, honestly) being themselves.

---

Additionally, after 3 weeks of sobriety, I had a coworker randomly ask if I could take a large (over an ounce) bag of weed he had been gifted off his hands. The interaction had all the hallmarks of divine intervention, so I relented and accepted this manifestation of Uranus-Neptune energy.

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Jim Eshelman » Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:53 am

You likely have already thought about the thing I'm about to say, but it seemed worth saying.

You probably know that people that have difficulty cleanly and candidly expressing anger run into problems when they try to change this. Initially, the anger comes out all at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong impact, and is really about other old stored stuff instead of what's happening in the moment. That's ultimately OK: They have to do it. There are tactics for dealing with it, but the gook has to spill out somewhere once you pop the can.

Similarly, with long-term behaviors at trying to please everyone, when you start making that not your leading priority, I guarantee you'll do it badly :o We tend to need practice at any new skill, so there surely will be times that it seems to others that you are a people displeaser.

Empathy and communication will manage some of this in the short run, and practice will win out in the long run.

But there's no need for you to be bindsided by it.
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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Aug 01, 2019 12:44 pm

Yes, this is true.

Paul Foster Case:
wisdom and liberation result from the right adaptation of the very forces which, at first, tempt us into mistaken action
I *do* have a lot of anger, at others for treating me terribly in the past, and myself for encouraging it. And calling out bad behavior often ends badly, if one is hoping to change others, or is just new and clumsy at it.

I've made a working list of 11 personal commandments, and three of them are:

I don't try to please others
I tell people how I really feel
I don't argue

I'm not conflict averse, once conflict escalates. And part of me loves arguing. But that can be destructive. My goal is to practice speaking my mind early and often, without needing another person to change, and acting to please myself, so that I feel less helpless and victimized.

For example, this week my daughter's mom was 45 minutes late to our trade-off, and had stressed out our daughter so she wasn't ready for the transition. I knew this was all avoidable, and expressed annoyance. She wanted to argue with me that it was an unpreventable circumstance, and not just poor planning. But I wasn't expressing annoyance to argue or change her; I was just practicing being honest.

So I shrugged and went to the grocery store instead, and then called after to see if my daughter was ready to be picked up.

By pleasing myself, I wasn't "stuck" waiting for my daughter's mom to get our daughter ready for the trade-off. I was in control of pleasing myself, and was much happier.

Her mom seemed annoyed, and probably thinks I was an a**shole. Maybe I was. With practice, I can handle this situation with more grace--e.g., If I had gone to the grocery store even sooner when she was running late, maybe I wouldn't have gotten as annoyed.

But there will always be someone who thinks I'm an a**shole, and I am learning to be ok with this. I get that as a kid it was important to monitor my mom's feelings to avoid getting beaten or locked in my room, but as a grownup, if someone's mad at me it doesn't need to be *that* important to me.

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Tue Aug 06, 2019 11:24 am

New lunar return:
t. Ne-0-MC 5.08"
t. Sa-0-DC 6.01"
r. Ve-0-IC 8.08"

t. Neptune square r. Neptune 2.36"
t. Saturn square r. Sun 0.50"
t. Saturn square r./t. Moon 2.43"
This month will continue to be about personal transformation around/preoccupation with issues of fantasy/drama/magick, while I simultaneously experience a particularly busy time at work and with music (practicing for some important shows this summer). It's simultaneously dreamy, melancholic, practical, and productive.

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Oct 24, 2019 10:37 am

Yesterday, a four-month Uranus-Neptune octile ended. I think this has been a profoundly transformational period, within a bigger transformational period (series of five Pluto-Pluto squares from March 2018 to November 2020).

Interestingly, the Uranus-Neptune transit spanned two trips, both intended to avoid negative transits at home. And in many ways, these trips, and this transit, seems to be about liberation from ideas about relationships and other merger need issues.

It's been a period where I have had increased insight and awareness into some of my attachment issues and ways of relating to people.

I think the birthday trip represented a choosing of a different direction at a profound, pivotal moment.

The last two weeks have been a little challenging, but I feel a well of plenty (Jupiter) protecting me from worry.
Demilunar 12OCT2019

t. Sa-0-DC 2*57'
t. Ne-0-MC 4*51'
r. Ne-90-MC 0*18'
r. Ju-0-IC 4*26'
t. Ju-90-MC 1*17'
r. Mo-90-DC 1*10'

t. Ne-90-t. Ju 3*34'
t. Ju-0-r. Ne 0*48'
t. Ne-90-r. Ne 4*22
t. Sa-0-t. Pl 6*15'
t. Sa-90-r. Su 1*37'
t. Sa-0-r. Mo 1*47'
My checking account has been overdrawn this week, a fact that would ordinarily cause me great anxiety. But I'm perfectly calm, because I have a deep sense that there will be enough.

Every time I've needed to pay for something, money seems to just show up. (Just like in Bryce Canyon, when it got down to 8, and the original booking said I'd have to provide my own stove, but I showed up to a cord of firewood and a wood stove.)

Tomorrow I get paid, and I get a very lovely Lunar return.
Lunar Return 26OCT2019
t. Ve-0-AC 0*40'
t. Me-0-AC 3*08'
r. Ve-0-MC 4*00

t. Ve-0-t. Me 3*48'
t. Ve-0-r. Ur 1*42'
t. Ve-0-r. Ma 5*44'
t. Me-0-r. Ma 1*56'
t. Me-0-r. Ur 2*06'
t. Ur-120-r. Ve 0*17'
I'm single, but have been studying about attachment, healthier ways to build connection and emotional security. I've started slowly dating a friend who I have known for a year plus, who has been consistently kind and loving toward me, though we've both decided to take things slow and stay non-exclusive, while focus on connection building and communication.

And I've noticed a pattern shift, where the moments in relationships where typically defensive patterns on both sides have caused things to blow up, I'm now seeing as opportunities to create safety and connect.

---

The current main transit is now a Pluto-Venus octile, which ends 10NOV2019, and is replaced by the returning Pluto-Pluto square on the same day, which itself will continue until 19JAN2020, around the time of an aspect Jim mentioned earlier in the thread:
Progressed SSR Moon opposes your Venus three months after your birthday.

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Tue Nov 05, 2019 3:21 pm

I certainly have been enjoying the Venus attention with the SLR. Which has brought me some anxiety, because I tend toward an anxious/avoidant attachment style. But I've been reading lots of attachment theory and emotional communication books this year, and I've started to change my pattern to open up more, stay present, and learning how to de-escalate, instead of running away.

And my heart chakra has just been welling up with love.

One interesting thing: I felt a little bit like I was failing to take advantage of the strong Jupiter in my SSR by not gambling in Vegas. But I just don't gamble.

However, during this SLR I have had some casual fun with a lady who is a poker player. And immediately after our time together, she did pretty well for herself at the poker table. I told her that it must've been my lucky "stuff". :lol: So she split her winnings with me. I didn't tell her, but I really needed the cash, after unexpected bills. So it was a godsend.

And to cap it off, today she just bought me a fancy Armani suit, complete with dress shirts, shoes, everything.. :shock: :lol:

I'm not used to this kind of thing happening. I shop at Goodwill.

Anyway, the symbolism is consistent both with the SSR (good luck, having my needs met with an attitude of bounty) and the SLR (Gifts from a lover).

---

On Saturday morning, a nasty Demilunar sets up. I'll be flying immediately to SFO to attend a tango marathon, and stay on my dancing partner/friend's boat:

t. Ma-0-AC 0°18'
t. Ma-0-r. Pl 1°36'
r. Pl-0-AC 2°54'
t. Ma-90-t. Sa 7°32'
t. Ma-90-t. Pl 2°37'

The combo of Mars, Pluto, Saturn, sounds kind of scary. I thought it was interesting to see a Venus heavy SLR followed by a Mars-Saturn heavy Demi. Love and Hate.

However, I'm not worried. I think that the Jupiter of the SSR is going to protect me from too much harm through the year. I lucked out and found tickets to SF last-minute, and was able to talk my daughter's mom into switching weekends, which means that I am going to manifest the rough demilunar as all-night dancing with my very Mars-heavy dancing friend (we share both Ve-Mo and Ma-Sa aspects, and have incredible dancing chemistry), taking early morning flights, and just being delightfully worn out and suffering from it in the best way.

I imagine that if I had not gone to SLC for my SSR, I may have been on a very different course, would have not had the good fortune to make it to SF this weekend, and everything would be manifesting very differently.

That's my hypothesis. We'll see!

(it could all be BS, but I like the idea of keeping up this myth of an alternate reality, and the notion that my life has branched off in a more positive direction from this SSR going forward!)

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Jim Eshelman » Tue Nov 05, 2019 3:29 pm

The Venus and Jupiter symbolism is indeed right on target in a big way!

I take it, then, that (so far) you're thinking your SLC SSR is sticking with you after your return home? Great move IMO... and you got a vacation out of it and everything. :D
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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Tue Nov 05, 2019 3:43 pm

:lol:

Very much so! My personality is way more Saturn than Jupiter, and I've always considered myself more unlucky than lucky (but just shy of being cursed to all eternity, fortunately!)

So this almost never happens to me.

I've never felt this good for a month straight. :lol: :lol:

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by SteveS » Wed Nov 06, 2019 4:16 am

Av wrote:
I've never felt this good for a month straight.
:)

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Veronica » Wed Nov 06, 2019 5:14 am

Avshalom Binyamin wrote:
Tue Nov 05, 2019 3:43 pm
:lol:

Very much so! My personality is way more Saturn than Jupiter, and I've always considered myself more unlucky than lucky (but just shy of being cursed to all eternity, fortunately!)

So this almost never happens to me.

I've never felt this good for a month straight. :lol: :lol:
So happy for you!!
Betcha look great in Armani.

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Wed Nov 06, 2019 10:08 am

Awwww, thank you V! :D

Smiles back at you, Steve! :D

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Wed Nov 06, 2019 10:39 am

Another interesting thing about the Uranus-Neptune transit:

I saw it coming, and because of the whole "altered states" symbolism and "freedom from dependency" I assumed that it would be best to be extra careful, and aim for a period of sobriety.

But as soon as I took my break, my angel of a coworker, who happens to be named Gabriel :lol: out of the blue came up to me and gave me a big bag of weed he had been gifted, and didn't want (because he doesn't smoke). I took it as a sign, and instead of resisting the Uranus-Neptune energy, I embraced it. :lol:

It turned out to be a very balanced, helpful strain. (Here in Portland, where it's legal, we have access to hundreds of strains, and some can be anxiety provoking, others are calming, etc.)

So I smoked daily for about 4 months during the transit, and listened to philosophy podcasts, and read books on attachment and trauma, and processed a lot of personal traumatic memories.

(More destructively, I also found myself falling off the no-cigarettes bandwagon again, after years away from them, and smoked a few packs. But then I quit again on the equinox, and haven't looked back)

---

Then, the day before my birthday, my birth mother sent me a text to say that she was moving away. It was the usual cold, self-centered stuff, without a "happy birthday", as usual.

I felt this anger rising. All my life, I was kind to her. Even last year, when I confronted her about all the things she did, why they weren't ok, and told her I forgave her and was letting her go. I did it all with such compassion and gentleness.

I left it until after I got back from my road trip. Then I told her off. I called her a bully. I told her how I really felt. That I was glad that she was moving away, and that she could take all the bad memories with her.

And while part of me felt bad for being a bit mean, another part was so deeply relieved that I was able to accept and express my anger, and part of me realized that under the anger was a deep self-love. I couldn't stand to let someone dare to call me "son" after treating me as anything but a son my whole life.

So again, the Uranus-Neptune symbolism of liberation from mother-archetype energy, in both her moving away, and in my feeling a sense of relief and freedom.

---

And then as soon as the transit ended, so did the desire to smoke weed. And reality is delightful. And I feel grounded, and happy, and healthy, and connected to myself, my feelings, my community.
Playing it Cool

For too long I’ve been playing it cool
Because love and hate burn so hot
They make people do unforgivable things
And I didn’t want to be like them
So I lied and told them it didn’t hurt
And they thought I must be some kind of saint
The way I was able to hold my pain and anger in
After all they had done

So they only came to me for forgiveness
And I faked it for them

For too long I thought those moments when
The mask slipped, and I showed emotion,
Were failures. So I'd retreat and vow to do better
Next time, so next time she would stay.
But no relationship was just right;
They were always either too cold,
Or terrifyingly hot. And I didn't understand why.

For too long I thought it was enough
To feel intensely, alone in my room; it's not enough;
Feelings are things to be shared

And then you came along, and the feelings
Pounded on the wall of my chest
And the words clamored to get out
Of my choked up throat, and tell you
All the good things, like:
I'm so glad it was you, and
I love you, and
I want to help you scrape the popcorn texture
Off your ceilings.
And also the fears, like:
I'm trash and how could I ever imagine you could love me, and
Love isn't for broken, motherless boys.

But now I'm done playing it cool.
I may be too much for some. I'm a lot.
And I may scare others away every time
I open the door to my heart, at least until the
Hinges go silent with overuse
And the doors falls off.
So please, help me open this door
Again and again, and don't ever ask me
To hold it in, when I want to tell you,
Again and again, that I'm scared,
And I love you, that I love you, oh how I love you
I love you, I love you…

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Nov 14, 2019 3:21 pm

t. Pl-135-r. Ve is now over. *whew!*

I never thought I'd say this, but I think I was on the receiving end of more romantic attention than I even thought I wanted! :lol:

Early Saturday morning, I was sitting quietly next to an attractive woman on a plane, about to depart for SFO. At the moment the demi-lunar set up, I was informed by the rightful occupant of the seat that I was in the wrong place; I was one row off. So I moved over, and listened to the new occupant flirt very successfully with my former seat neighbor. I thought, oh, so this is the new normal for the rest of the month. :lol:

Right then I also got a message from a really lovely woman that I had been on two dates with, that seemed to be asking for space, which I was graceful about, but also disappointed.

---

But then I went and had myself the loveliest of times in San Francisco. I danced until 4am Saturday and Sunday night, and then went straight to the airport after, then straight to picking up my daughter, then straight to work Monday morning. I ended up sleeping 16 hours Monday-Tuesday.

---

Interestingly, on the Thursday evening before this Demilunar, the Mars-Pluto aspect that dominates the demi-lunar manifested as two women who had some angry messages to send me. Both were people I had spoken with before, and considered dating, but had not actually dated (because they seemed a bit emotionally volatile). They were mad because I wasn't dating them, and weren't respecting my boundaries, and I eventually blocked them to stop seeing the name-calling, obsessive messages. One continued to send me angry messages on another platform, the other via email, and other platforms. I haven't replied to any of them. As of yesterday one has sent me hundreds of un-replied-to messages. I would go to the police if I knew her name, or real identity, or she knew my address or anything.

I realized that this is the Mars-Pluto obsessional passion energy.

Additionally, the coworker who I had been borderline obsessional about at the beginning of the year (we had a Mars-Pluto aspect), recently got dumped by the boyfriend she left me to go back to, and is now very sad, and messaged me.

(None of this is even remotely flattering or tempting to me. It's not even traumatic. I feel protected, and I know better now. I'm picking kind, emotionally mature people from now on.)

---

Tonight, I have a third date with the woman who was asking for a little space and patience last Saturday morning. We communicated, got past our minor misunderstanding, and have built considerable trust because we were each gentle with each other. She is not emotionally volatile, and neither is our dynamic. I feel my heart chakra open every time I'm near her, but I'm also calmed, and trust her. I don't know our synastry, and I'm not going to look it up. I know she's a Cancer, that she's smart, mature, calm, loving, and careful.

We haven't even kissed yet, and I'm just happy to get to know her slowly, because I think she's really special. We'll see how it goes.

tr. Sa 135 r. Ve happens Dec 10-27.

I already stopped dating other people (the woman who I was seeing casually, who bought me the fancy suit was super kind and sweet about it when I told her), and I suspect that if what me and this dear new person have together is strong, this transit could mark a deepening/official/exclusive relationship.

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Nov 14, 2019 3:37 pm

Oh, and I continue to manifest bounty whenever I'm in a pinch.

I needed gas money this morning, but only had about $28 in my wallet when I went to bed last night (which I was saving for taking the special lady to go tango dancing tonight). This morning, there were two extra $20 bills in there. :lol:

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Veronica » Thu Nov 14, 2019 5:10 pm

Im so happy for you!

Can I say something though....
Emotional mature...
I completely get what your saying and I agree
But in regards to those women who seemed not emotionally mature....I truly believe synastry works wether youve met or just chatted on line.
Those woman may have some synergistic aspect with you that really felt beautiful to them, or triggered some other aspect. They may actually be very emotionally mature with someone else and are just at a place and time where they reacted to your chart.
Id definately block them and trust your instincts and do what you need to do to be true to your dreams and goals and work.

Everybody can at certain times in certain situations slip into emotional immaturity. Sometimes we need to swing upsidedown at the playground even though we are almost 50.

So very very happy about your good feelings and happiness!!

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Re: Avi's Transits 2019

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Nov 14, 2019 5:21 pm

Good point, V! ❤️

I shouldn't label anyone emotionally immature. They are all mature, intelligent people. They are just not safe for me, without blame.

Thank you for saying something.

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