I asked a coworker out.

Q&A and discussion about Synastry, i.e., relationship analysis through the comparison of two horoscopes.
Avshalom Binyamin
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I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:38 pm

I've never done this before. She said yes, enthusiastically.

We're a 100-person office (in a multi-thousand-person company), and don't work directly together, but still.

O
October 8, 1980, 11:57am
El Cajon, CA

J
April 17, 1981, 9:21pm
Vancouver WA

O Sun conjunct J Moon 0°15’
O Sun opposite J Mercury 2°13’
O Moon conjunct J Moon 3°49’
O Venus square J Uranus 5°07’
O Mars conjunct J Uranus 1°46’
O Pluto conjunct J Moon 5°33’
O Pluto opposite J Mercury 3°35’
O Pluto opposite J Mars 3°12’

J Sun opposite O Pluto 7°37’
J Moon conjunct O Sun 0°15’
J Moon conjunct O Moon 3°49’
J Moon conjunct O Pluto 5°33’
J Mercury opposite O Sun 2°13’
J Mercury opposite O Pluto 3°35’
J Mars opposite O Pluto 3°12’

O Venus conjunct J MC 8°02’
O Venus square J AC 9°01’
O Mars conjunct J AC 2°08’
O Uranus conjunct J AC 0°54’

J Jupiter conjunct O MC 2°35’
J Saturn conjunct O MC 0°29’
J Neptune conjunct O AC 4°54’

J Venus trine O Venus 3°33’

Interpretation:

I really like her. I like hearing her. I feel a sense of kindred spirit. I think she’s delightfully weird. We’re coworkers, and it feels exciting. I’m formal and aloof with her—I get shy and flustered and don’t know what to say. I feel like there is strong physical energy from her—which I reciprocate. I have a crush on her.

She is very aware of my eccentricity, and she still really likes me. She finds me intriguing. We have weird conversations. She likes that I listen to her. She responds to me physically, and it’s intense. She loves to torment me. Maybe it’s an intense work fling in her mind, and she’ll want to limit this to friendship?

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Veronica » Fri Dec 14, 2018 3:27 am

Where are you gonna go for your date?

I learned a lot about myself recently by looking into my midpoints, the midpoints of people I am close to, and our composite midpoints charts. It added an explanation for me about some of the more subtle but definitely there character tendrncies.

I hope your date goes great and you have lots of wierd conversations, those are the best.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Fri Dec 14, 2018 6:41 am

I have no idea! Two nights ago she asked me if i had had dinner yet, and I told her I had my daughter that night, but we should do dinner Sunday.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by SteveS » Fri Dec 14, 2018 7:25 am

AB wrote:
I've never done this before. She said yes, enthusiastically. I really like her. I like hearing her. I feel a sense of kindred spirit. I think she’s delightfully weird. We’re coworkers, and it feels exciting. I feel like there is strong physical energy from her—which I reciprocate. I have a crush on her.
:) Some quick observations with your charts: SSR Venus partile cnj Natal Mercury in Libra, 'locked' in for the entire solar year. Ebertin says about Venus-Mercury combos:
...thoughts of love, a love union.
Your Natal Jupiter 1,21 cnj your SSR Asc as the main influence as to how you will react psychologically to your new 2018 SSR for your solar year. :) Its time to experience some joy/happiness Avshalom. Keep us informed.

Main influence in your current Dec 2 SLR: Foreground Venus partile 180 Uranus, tightly square NN, Ebertin says about this combo:
Intensification of feeling and instinct leads to new association.


:)

Partile Venus 90 Mars in the SSR, for the 'physical energy.'

:)

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Sun Dec 16, 2018 10:00 pm

Well, I find the whole situation confusing (J Neptune conjunct O AC) and it feels like this may be one-sided attraction.

She invited me out to drinks with coworkers on Friday, and was touching me a lot--repeated knee bumping, playing with my hair, pinching me. But it feels more like Mars-Pluto teasing than affection. We spent the weekend texting, with hilarious results (Mars=humor), and then had dinner Sunday, with similar energy.

Over the weekend she told me she's recently out of a relationship, and I get the distinct feeling she wants to limit this to friendship (J Saturn partile conjunct my MC), though again it's ambiguous. She bit my finger at dinner, and is now texting me that if I wear my hair in a half bun tomorrow she'll give me a hicky. But I'm pretty sure she's just teasing.

She's an Aries, so I'm just going to drop it, and let her decide if she wants to pursue something.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Jim Eshelman » Sun Dec 16, 2018 10:03 pm

Aries women are pretty pragmatic about getting their needs met.
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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Sun Dec 16, 2018 10:20 pm

Oragmatic. :D

Yes, that's true.

Her Venus isn't really involved here either.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Sun Dec 16, 2018 10:25 pm

My last gf was an Aries. I love the fire and energy and assertiveness and humor, but I also want to feel loved and like someone feels tender toward me. I thought maybe the partile Sun-Moon conjunction might drive some of that. Maybe not.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Jim Eshelman » Sun Dec 16, 2018 10:45 pm

Avshalom Binyamin wrote:
Sun Dec 16, 2018 10:20 pm
Her Venus isn't really involved here either.
You know my mate. I imagine you know she loves me.

As I was thinking about your last post, it occurred to me that the key isn't that her Venus is involved (thought it is; aside from the fact that she's a Taurus, so it always is.)

The key is that my Venus is involved.
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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Sun Dec 16, 2018 11:15 pm

Well, I freaking adore her. But i get that I'm emotionally intense and a bit romantically obsessive and insecure, which is not at all ideal when you're coworkers (and she's fresh out of a relationship). So I'm not going to make it awkward.

Love is love, and friendship is love too. But for the love of God, this grabbing and pawing at me by her can't coexist with platonic.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Veronica » Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:04 am

Avshalom Binyamin wrote:
Sun Dec 16, 2018 11:15 pm

Love is love, and friendship is love too. But for the love of God, this grabbing and pawing at me by her can't coexist with platonic.
I think that you should tell her that.
Your a man, with hormonal drives and for her to twirl your hair and suck on you neck.....its going to biologically drive you. If you kiss her, you too are biologically influencing her. You know this. And if you have sex then your even more influencing your biological makeup.

When I first dated Craig I told him all about the biological bonding process that drives us when we intermix our biochemicals. Thats why I wont/ havnt dated anyone since him. Our biology programs us.

She said she wanted to be friends, then I would be completely upfront and honest with her. Tell her how her teasing affects you and even tell her about the biology. Information and open communication is vital.

You should be friends with her and you should let her know how you really feel and let her know that being good solid friends first is more important that satisfying ego driven wants and biological driven programing.

She seems like a nice person and I think that maybe because she just got out of a relationship she is looking for validation. I know that you can be just a friend to her and suppress your hormones and let the love that is there ripen on it own, with out being a slave to biological urges.

I would definitely encourage you to tell her that her teasing is wonderful but that if she truelly just wants friendship, then its not necessary.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:39 pm

Yes, that's a good approach V.

I've been up front with her that I have a crush on her.

Today I communicated with her to let her know that friendship (sans sexual teasing and touching) is totally fine, and if in the future she decides she's ready and interested in something physical/romantic, we can have that conversation.

She was glad for the conversation, and just wants friendship.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Fri Dec 21, 2018 2:15 pm

Well, it's been four days since we agreed to be just friends.

We have more fun and laughs as friends than with anyone I've ever dated. My usual thinking on romance has been up-ended. Whereas I'm normally sex-driven and a bit cynical, and roll my eyes when people talk about falling for their best friends (because I imagine it means their relationship to be passionless), now I find myself thinking things like, "with a friendship like this, who needs sex and romance?"

Today we had brunch, and coincidentally (not really, we're just similar) ordered the exact same thing. We finished each other's sentences, said the same things at the same time, etc.

I just have this deep, unwavering sense of affinity, and I'm grateful for however much time I get to spend with her, in whatever form.

...

A few minutes ago she told me that she has a crush on me too, now.

See, after brunch, as one of her infinite pranks, she handed me a tissue full of change from the bottom of her purse, covered in gum, dog hair, and rice confetti. I washed the change and returned it to her (and made the obvious dad jokes about money laundering, and "don't ever change"). Apparently that did it, she says.

I'm not going to do anything different, just continue with this lovely friendship, spend some time together over Christmas break, and check back in on her feelings in a couple weeks.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Jim Eshelman » Fri Dec 21, 2018 2:21 pm

This is the cool stuff :)

And it's not my experience that being with your best friend is passionless. Rather, when best friend and passion and (whatever you personally call) sexually appropriate all meet, it's the best.
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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by SteveS » Fri Dec 21, 2018 2:24 pm

AV wrote:
We have more fun and laughs as friends than with anyone I've ever dated.
:) Great AV, IMO, its your Natal Jupiter tight cnj your SSR angle manifesting this new fun. Lets see if it last most of your solar year. Happy Holidays.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Fri Dec 21, 2018 2:26 pm

As I've been saying to myself the last few days, "this friendship is already the most romantic thing I've ever experienced."

Things may change. Tomorrow is never promised. We haven't even kissed. But I'm certain, and grateful for right now.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Fri Dec 21, 2018 2:32 pm

SteveS wrote:
Fri Dec 21, 2018 2:24 pm
:) Great AV, IMO, its your Natal Jupiter tight cnj your SSR angle manifesting this new fun. Lets see if it last most of your solar year. Happy Holidays.
Thank you Steve!

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Dec 27, 2018 3:54 pm

Ugh, this one's kind of a rollercoaster.

She came over for Christmas Eve, and I cooked her dinner and we watched her favorite movie. It was a lovely evening. We wrote each other poems, we cuddled, and we made out, with Mars-Pluto results for her :lol: It was intense. It was bliss.

Then she got distant over the last few days, worrying about complications, and wanting to keep it light and casual. Which I would be willing to do, because I understand that trusts takes time. But she keeps doing the push and pull, and devalued me (in the hopes that I'd get that she wanted to keep it casual).

So I communicated with her, brought our main conflict out in the open (I love her vs she wants casual), and told her that she can set all the limits, I accept them, and I'll respect them. I can go back to being friends. But she needs to also understand and accept that my feelings are real and unchanging.

So now we're back to being friendly coworkers, I guess. J Saturn conjunct O MC 0°29’ and all that jazz.

The one thing I can say is that I've never experienced anything remotely like this.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Veronica » Thu Dec 27, 2018 5:24 pm

Av
Ive known you for quite some time and think your a really great man. I would highly recommend you look into what your personal midpoints are as well as hers. You are a man who I know has dobe a tremendous amount of personal soul work and has great spiritual aspirations. Im not encouraging or discouraging this relationship, and I havnt looked at your points, but I know for me, learning about that aspect of astrology cleared my gead and heart up about a lot of things.

You are a rare type of person and not superficial nor mundane. You think deep and feel deeper. Maybe she does too or maybe she doesnt. Take each moment as they come and always have a loving heart but I personally think that being a great friend is best. Youve only known her for a little minute of your life, get one of those party games and play "would you ever....or something similiar" and talk talk talk.
Feelings are great and all but.....well there are a lot of wounded souls who have no intention of healing.
Im glad you had a nice dinner.
She maybe having some sort of post kissing stress mysterious psychological Venus induced expierence.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Dec 27, 2018 6:43 pm

Thanks V.

Yes, it's true, I've only known her for a hot minute. And she's a fickle, evil spoiled brat. (That's part of what I love about her. :lol: )

I'm mildly curious about a midpoint analysis, but I'm not going to obsess at this point. She and I could be "soulmates" based on the charts, and still let fear lead one or the other of us away. A good chart just makes for easier natural tendencies.

This one has a partile Sun-Moon conjunction, which means I understand her heart with the core of my being. It doesn't mean we'll end up together. Maybe we'll just stay friends. Maybe we won't, and I'll have learned a lot about how I love. And if we do end up together, how I behave now in the face of any disappointments will stay with me and give me confidence in my love.

I'm not 100% sure what's going on with her, though I suspect it's because deep love can be frightening, she's emotionally wounded, and needs time to let go of cynicism and fear. I don't know if she will. She says she still has a crush on me. As you say, what matters is just being a good friend. I'll just continue respecting myself and her, while staying open-hearted.

I'm not a masochist, and I won't wait forever, but a few months is nothing.

It's weird, because over the last three-and-a-half years, while going through a divorce from a 9-year relationship, I spent a lot of time exploring sexual freedom, and crossing off lots of kinky/sexual bucket-list items. And it was a time of emotional cynicism for me. I can feel some of that energy in her, and it makes me smile, because I relate, it reminds me that all parts of my path have my true self on them in one way or another.

And now I'm not a cynic anymore.

Through this synastry analysis on friendships, false-starts, one-night-stands, and ill-advised relationships, I feel like I've got a pretty good sense of what feels right and what is something I'm just trying to make work in spite of grave doubts.

I believe in this one. All the other connections I've experienced so far pale in comparison. And if it doesn't work out, maybe the universe will surprise me with an even deeper connection. Or maybe not. Who is to say?

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Danica » Thu Dec 27, 2018 6:45 pm

Avshalom Binyamin wrote:
Thu Dec 27, 2018 3:54 pm

The one thing I can say is that I've never experienced anything remotely like this.
well, tr Pluto isn't done with your Venus yet :D
QUID VOLIS ILUD FAC

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Thu Dec 27, 2018 7:05 pm

I hate you--you're as sadistic as she is! :lol: (I don't hate you. I love you.)

This Pluto-Venus octile round ends Jan 9. And then there's another Aug 28-Nov 10. And then probably something else transformative and terrible.

I know I've got Pluto-Pluto square Jan 9-Mar 29 and May 22-Aug 26 and Nov 10-whenever, a Saturn-Venus octile Mar 16-Jun 15, a Uranus-Neptune octile Jun 4-Oct 23.

I'm sure it will be delightful.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by SteveS » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:38 am

Av wrote:
But she keeps doing the push and pull, and devalued me (in the hopes that I'd get that she wanted to keep it casual).
IMO, we see this ‘push and pull’ all over her 2018 SSR with Venus partile cnj her Vertex axis with Jupiter tightly cnj this axis. But we see SSR Saturn in the immediate foreground near her 2018 SSR DSC. Could be she fears a serious relationship out of fear getting hurt—generally, angular Saturn induces certain types of fear. But I think she wants to have Venus-Jupiter fun with a ‘causal’ relationship. She also has her Natal Jupiter & Saturn on her SSR Nadir, which again offers maybe a ‘push & pull’ effect. Also her SSR Mercury on SSR Zenith partile 180 her Natal Saturn on SSR Nadir, so she probably is approaching this relationship with ‘Depth of thoughts,’ but also could be work related.

Av wrote:
So I communicated with her…
This is probably very important to her with SSR Mercury partile cnj her 2018 SSR Zenith

Av wrote:
So now we're back to being friendly coworkers, I guess.
No matter what happens in the near future, try your best to always be her friend and not to hurt her emotionally. She will need to have a close friend with her upcoming 2019 SSR which will be rough energy in some form or manner, does not mean her rough 2019 SSR will involve you directly.

Have as much fun as possible with this new relationship-- with as much understanding as possible with the aid of the language of Astrology. :)

J’s 2018 SSR
https://imgur.com/a/eTAxpp3

J’s 2019 SSR
https://imgur.com/a/pJHNg8q

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by Avshalom Binyamin » Fri Dec 28, 2018 7:00 am

Yes, spot on.

She wants to have casual fun, and me being anxious kills the vibe.

I know that when I am in love, i get anxious and insecure. I need to outgrow that, because it takes me out of the present, and sabotages relationships.

I'm going to treat this as a chance to practice something different: being her friend, and keeping things light and fun.

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Re: I asked a coworker out.

Post by SteveS » Fri Dec 28, 2018 7:17 am

Av wrote:
I'm going to treat this as a chance to practice something different: being her friend, and keeping things light and fun.
8-)

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