As always Flo your language barrier never comes across when you speak, to me at least, for you speak with love in your voice which come through crystal clear. I always tried to teach my children to speak with love in thier voice. Its an important part of effective communication and you IMO has mastered it.
Flo wrote:
"I think it's quite nice you directed him here since it is a forum open for all to read and study.
And I think people will notice the integrity of the board members immediately studying Sidereal astrology here. "
Thank you for saying so. I dont like talking behind peoples back and I try not to and this matter was so upsetting that I had to talk about it, and I knew this was the only place where I would be understood. Sidereal Astrology as a tool for self understanding and healing is the most effective form of psychological pathworking/therapy. Any soul stumbling upon this forum will immediately notice the caliber and integrity of the practioners here. I want to break bad habits of miscommunication that I have and felt it was his right to know what exactly I was saying and feeling. Imagine the horrible feeling one would have if by some chance you stumbled on a conversation all about you....the universe works in funny ways and I needed to explore this and felt that if he wanted to as well he should be able to.
Veronica wrote: ↑
Because I have alot of human psychological garbage that compelled my desire to feel love and have something to love.
Veronica wrote: ↑
I tried to work things out in my own head and heart but I was trapped in my own garbage thinking. Negative aspects if you will.
Veronica wrote: ↑
Im sorry that I did that and I feel that I have to be honest and own up to my slimey behavior.
Flo wrote
"I think you put a negative spin on your well being by thinking this amongst other things about yourself. "
I appreciate you saying so but I honestly feel that there was allready a negative spin created by me not being upfront from the get go, and those yucky feelings I have had for the past few months about it were because of that initial mistep in judgement. I feel better, cleaner and more balanced now that I have been honest.
Flo wrote
"Your are wired to feel things deeply, your gift and are a true unbiased helper with a good heart. No need to put yourself down and maybe is was about time to smash a window. "
Your kind to remind me of my gifts. Sometimes they feel hard to live with. My astrology, all of it, natal, midpoints, progressions and returns do completely articulate Me and my connection to the world at large. Being wired like I am makes relating very difficult somtimes and I am grateful for the people I have in my life who try and understand me and relate to me and encouage and inspire me as challenging as it is. Breaking a window seemed a better choice then breaking myself.
Flo wrote
"Remember, it's the 'idea' about him that keeps you going in your synastry with Craig. He seems like a real nice guy indeed but you may idealize him."
He is a real nice guy. I wouldnt have spent 5 years with him if he wasnt. We have no children or shared property or any physical ties. We are free adults who can do what ever they want. We can walk away from anything or anyone at any time we wish. We both have that angular pluto action working for us. As adults though I believe we recognize our inner needs and in a funny way click nicely to try and help each other meet those nonmaterial needs.
Your words there are rich with much deeper wisdom then they superficially seem.
My charts specifically denote the character istic of idealizing my beloved as well as deeper facets of desire and higher agape love. Our synasty and composite tell of this as well. I have known this man for almost 40years in many forms. The situation that I believe unfolded was that my psyche was in a place where it wanted a concrete/solid form to project and reflect. I do believe from what he said to me that his psyche as well wanted that Perfect Ideal person. But that robs him of growth, robs us both. For if I hold in my mind the ideal and call it Perfect then thats akin to death. It limits his growth , it locks him into a way of being and being seen and In a very real way becomes a powerstruggle: my psyche saying I love you just like this dont change I want you just this way and his psyche either stagnating to stay the same to selfsacrifice himself to make me happy, or fighting back and doing all to be unlike that which I had idealized. To preserve his right to be authentical himself. Idealiizing someone is a very very fine line to walk. It obviously has a place and use in development and a correct way to manage those feeling that I do naturally have towards him as shown in our chart.........
Flo wrote
"Becoming aware of the pattern doesn't erase the time you had with Craig imo. That stays forever and may give you the inspiration to move forward to the next chapter of your life to be able to be open to new things and new people."
Nothing will ever erase that time. It is. Forever.
He will always be the funny kid in the lunch room.
The badass middle schooler smoking cigs off school property.
The hot teenager riding quads in the field
The sexy highschooler withe the car and cell phone....
Ect ect ideal ideal ideal
He holds all those trophies a girl will have in her heart
And then the girl became a woman who really got to know the man and let the man really know her.
Ideal ideal ideal
But what you all know is that time moves on and things change. And to lock him in my heart as the ideal isnt the way to bring all that is a potential to its highest aspect. We are all dynamic individuals with the essence of the force of life coursing through our veins and heart.
I am inspired. Im inspired to see what else life will bring . Im inspired to try new things and push my comfort zone and explore my potential. I am inspired everyday to rise anew and refreshed and see what other newness life has. I dont want to look at things the same old way and to see people in the same light because that dimishes the viral essence of life that flows through everything.
The sweetest revenge (very attractive for a Scorpio Moon;) is living well.
) I hope I am not sounding condescending, my native language is not english so bare with me
Regards,
Flo
Sweet Flo you do not at all sound condenseding.
You say the sweetest things.
You sound brilliant and full of deep wisdom.
Revenge: thats a deep well to drink from. I have heard so many ugly stories of revenge. Breaks my heart.
You know that I have no desire to seek revenge upon anyone. Its not my nature to act on that. I am human and in the heat of a moment have had thoughts of justice for some deeds, for sure as that is a human trait we all share.
But im too kind and thoughtful and way to sensitive. Kind in that I truly know that we are all connected. We are all one. We all have the same essence coursing through our hearts and that anything I do to another, in all reality I am doing to myself. To harm another is to harm myself. That is fact.
I have no reason at all to want any sort of revenge on anything on this planet. I dont need to "show them" by moving on and being well and sucessful. That line of thinking is negative. It denotes that I have given my power away to someone and that my ego feels threatened and I need to assert that I am better then them by being better off without them. I know many people who had this thought and it always blows up in thier face because it comes from a place of fear anger and insecurity. One should live well for one lives.
But.....thats not what you meant....or what you said.
You are soooooo correct when you say the sweetest revenge is living well.
Only I am to blame for my mistakes in life, my troubles, my woes and pain. No one did anything to me. All those hurts and messed up thoughts and down ward spirals were because of my own thought construct, my own patterns of behaviors and my own perseceptions of my environment. All the things that a human could say they need revenge for are just illusions perpetuated by the ego to survive. Every last one.
If indeed though I did feel the need for revenge there would be only two real things to blame.....myself....and Im not going to seek revegnge on myself for myself...thats just suicidal and Im not suicidal....and the Universe.
The sweetest revenge is living well.
I could very well though say: F you universe for giving me this crazy birthchart and all its super challenging aspects that just seemingly suck eggs. F you universe for making those planets move just so and messing up my environment and making things harder. F you universe for giving me a relationship that is outa this world and then having those damn planets move again and mess it all up again. I could say f you universe for hitting me with all this trouble and for hitting all my friends and loved ones and just being a big pain in the aff.
If any thoughts of revenge should be acted on it should be by saying ....is that all you got...you hit like a bitch. I am ready willing and able to navigate any storm that comes my way. I had my heart ripped in two and Im still here, still in love and ready for what ever life is going to toss at me.
But Again....revenge is for those who dont know the interconnected of all life. I know in my heart that the universe is on myside and wants me to thrive. Everything else is an illusion.
Im not going to do anything but live well because I am the living well.
Thank you for you understanding and your inspiration.
I hope my million and one words were enough to clarify my deep feelings and articulate my understanding of this funny thing called life
I am grateful that you share your understanding and wisdom with not only me but the whole world.
is living well.
